Day - 3 Car Delirium

finally. a road hut.

Woke up this morning at 6:00 a.m., which really wasn't all that difficult because we passed out so early. Madlibs really takes it out of you. The weather was complete bullshit, but we pressed on through the spotty snow/ice/shitmist and made it to a calm, overcast Southern Colorado. The rest area in New Mexico was the best place I've ever been EVER. At least the best toilets/view combination. The temperature had risen 22 degrees in about a half an hour, and my body and soul had a party in the parking lot. The yellow landscape was gorgeous and I wanted to own it and eat it and live in it. Maybe with some dune buggies it will be possible in the near future. Dune buggies and guns.

extreme close up
I talk a lot in the car. Upon editing this video, my first thoughts were "I put too much of me talking in, and not enough of Beth." Then it dawned on me that this is the painful truth of the 14 Hour Car Party. I talk. Beth tolerates. Maybe not that black & white, but close. Road crazy settled in around New Mexico and never left. So that's really what this day was about. Singing Rent, wearing sunglasses, and talking about my knife.

people in arizona clearly can't drive on snow
We got to Flagstaff long after a mind-exploding sunset in Arizona. My immediate thoughts: What the hell is going on around here? We had to stop because the roads were covered in glare ice, and the snowfall was thick and menacing. In Arizona. Clearly, I was misinformed about the climate of this mysterious state. The real threat wasn't from the weather, however, but from the other tuckbacks on the road that refuse to acknowledge the physical properties of ice. "I'm going 55 by god! I've got a fucking JEEEEEP!" Cry me a river you fat loser. We roadswiped by a man who slid out into the intersection through a red light after passing us like we weren't moving. He then had to back up in a mild panic and realign his car parallel to ours. Eat it. I did not leave the heartland for this. After cursing whatever gods were responsible for the sky piss, we shacked up in a hotel with "FREE BREAKFAST!" (which actually turned out to be the best breakfast I've had since I left Iowa). Two bottles of wine later it was bedtime. Free HBO. Give a shit. Tomorrow I go to see the trail left behind in the wake of Paul Bunyan's axe. Get some.

-ap

Day - 2 Frost is the Boss. Bosst.

golden ticket
Short trip today. Woke up to ice fog, no visible mountains but I know they are there. We head about 45 minutes away to Golden, a sweet sweet town lodged into the foothills, still glazed with snow. Coors factory is our destination, then off to meet Beth's brother Justin and his girlfriend Erin. Very cool people. They have a great house, and a gentle beast of a dog. Instant fun with these folks. I wish it had snowed 5 feet so we could've stayed another day and kicked it board game style, but it wasn't meant to be. Sadness. We all went to bed early. Had to leave by 7 a.m. the next day.

tap the foothills
The Coors factory was a silver bullet to the grizzly dome of werewolf:boredom. Super fun, though not really a traditional tour. You can listen to your electric dork necklace talk about hops and fermenting if you want, but I don't think it enriches your tour or your life to walk around with an over-eager Coors salesman in your ear. Really. You don't need that guy. You can just zoom through the plant, look at the apparatus, and soak it all up. Then soak it all up times 3 in the Coors Lounge. Very happy place to work it seems. Lots of beer jokes. Anyway.

feeding frenzy
New Video Soon. Searching for the internet in this vast country is not as easy as I thought. Unless your want to pay for it. Pssh. Starbucks. Yeah right dudes.

-ap

DAY - 1 cold fusion thru missouri kansas and the rest

yogurt wheaties and a coffee
Sad and frozen to the b-b-b-bone holmes. Beth Skogen and I (Aaron P) Left Lamoni @ 9:30 on the first jacked dogleg of this Los Angeles bound volvoyage. Looking for fortune, fame and warm weather in a fully unleaded wagon. Swooped through the sad sack that is Northern Missouri, since we blindly threw all our eggs into the basket of "Miss Garmin," the mysteriously polite British GPS system stuck to our window. She led us to a desolate 2 lane road in Fuckneckville, USA. Should have listened to Norm. Sorry Dad.

So we cruised south and soaked up some Mizzou and Kansas a la I-70. Whoa. Cold forsaken farmlands. EFF it dudes. Let's motorVATE.


holy crap
God put a lot of billboards in Kansas. It must have looked like a good place to blurt out some important messages. Hot headlines include:

JESUS - He is Christ [next to a 20 foot color-by-numbers painting of the messiah]
Abortion Kills God's Creation
Pro-Life: A Great Choice
If You Throw Rocks at God They Will Land on Your Head.

There was a plethora of homemade anti-abortion billboards, but I left them out. You can make some up if you want. Also, there was one massive double sided monstrosity of an airbrushed Jesus growing up out of some wheat, holding a bushel of wheat, with a beard made of wheat that grew out of some more wheat. So the real message here, I think, is that Jesus is into strip malls. Major Bargains. Also there were a lot of unnamed Native American cartoons offering BIG WINS or GREAT EATS. Squanto must be glad that he taught the white man to plant corn with dead fish. Happy thanksgiving lessons in first grade. Paper feathers and pilgrim hats. Let's feast.

fore!fathers
Finally landed in Aurora, Colorado, in a picturesque country club community. Moose Lodge? I think. I've never been to a place where the streets have golf cart crossing signs. Luckily, we didn't hit any golfers.

Stayed with Beth's brother Sean and his wife Nanette. They have two young twins named Tristan and Skyler. Nice people. Let us sleep in beautiful bedrooms, filled our bellies, and let us relax under Orion in their hot tub. Living the good life. Thank you guys for the hospitality.

see you on the road

-ap