yogurt wheaties and a coffee
Sad and frozen to the b-b-b-bone holmes. Beth Skogen and I (Aaron P) Left Lamoni @ 9:30 on the first jacked dogleg of this Los Angeles bound volvoyage. Looking for fortune, fame and warm weather in a fully unleaded wagon. Swooped through the sad sack that is Northern Missouri, since we blindly threw all our eggs into the basket of "Miss Garmin," the mysteriously polite British GPS system stuck to our window. She led us to a desolate 2 lane road in Fuckneckville, USA. Should have listened to Norm. Sorry Dad.
So we cruised south and soaked up some Mizzou and Kansas a la I-70. Whoa. Cold forsaken farmlands. EFF it dudes. Let's motorVATE.
holy crap
God put a lot of billboards in Kansas. It must have looked like a good place to blurt out some important messages. Hot headlines include:
JESUS - He is Christ [next to a 20 foot color-by-numbers painting of the messiah]
Abortion Kills God's Creation
Pro-Life: A Great Choice
If You Throw Rocks at God They Will Land on Your Head.
There was a plethora of homemade anti-abortion billboards, but I left them out. You can make some up if you want. Also, there was one massive double sided monstrosity of an airbrushed Jesus growing up out of some wheat, holding a bushel of wheat, with a beard made of wheat that grew out of some more wheat. So the real message here, I think, is that Jesus is into strip malls. Major Bargains. Also there were a lot of unnamed Native American cartoons offering BIG WINS or GREAT EATS. Squanto must be glad that he taught the white man to plant corn with dead fish. Happy thanksgiving lessons in first grade. Paper feathers and pilgrim hats. Let's feast.
fore!fathers
Finally landed in Aurora, Colorado, in a picturesque country club community. Moose Lodge? I think. I've never been to a place where the streets have golf cart crossing signs. Luckily, we didn't hit any golfers.
Stayed with Beth's brother Sean and his wife Nanette. They have two young twins named Tristan and Skyler. Nice people. Let us sleep in beautiful bedrooms, filled our bellies, and let us relax under Orion in their hot tub. Living the good life. Thank you guys for the hospitality.
see you on the road
-ap
Sad and frozen to the b-b-b-bone holmes. Beth Skogen and I (Aaron P) Left Lamoni @ 9:30 on the first jacked dogleg of this Los Angeles bound volvoyage. Looking for fortune, fame and warm weather in a fully unleaded wagon. Swooped through the sad sack that is Northern Missouri, since we blindly threw all our eggs into the basket of "Miss Garmin," the mysteriously polite British GPS system stuck to our window. She led us to a desolate 2 lane road in Fuckneckville, USA. Should have listened to Norm. Sorry Dad.
So we cruised south and soaked up some Mizzou and Kansas a la I-70. Whoa. Cold forsaken farmlands. EFF it dudes. Let's motorVATE.
holy crap
God put a lot of billboards in Kansas. It must have looked like a good place to blurt out some important messages. Hot headlines include:
JESUS - He is Christ [next to a 20 foot color-by-numbers painting of the messiah]
Abortion Kills God's Creation
Pro-Life: A Great Choice
If You Throw Rocks at God They Will Land on Your Head.
There was a plethora of homemade anti-abortion billboards, but I left them out. You can make some up if you want. Also, there was one massive double sided monstrosity of an airbrushed Jesus growing up out of some wheat, holding a bushel of wheat, with a beard made of wheat that grew out of some more wheat. So the real message here, I think, is that Jesus is into strip malls. Major Bargains. Also there were a lot of unnamed Native American cartoons offering BIG WINS or GREAT EATS. Squanto must be glad that he taught the white man to plant corn with dead fish. Happy thanksgiving lessons in first grade. Paper feathers and pilgrim hats. Let's feast.
fore!fathers
Finally landed in Aurora, Colorado, in a picturesque country club community. Moose Lodge? I think. I've never been to a place where the streets have golf cart crossing signs. Luckily, we didn't hit any golfers.
Stayed with Beth's brother Sean and his wife Nanette. They have two young twins named Tristan and Skyler. Nice people. Let us sleep in beautiful bedrooms, filled our bellies, and let us relax under Orion in their hot tub. Living the good life. Thank you guys for the hospitality.
see you on the road
-ap
My favorite signs in Missouri were the huge green billboards that only said "Jesus." What more do you really need to say?
ReplyDeleteah aaron, you never let me down. you make my heart smile. =)
ReplyDelete